The Silent Leadership Killer: Why Managing Your Emotions is Just as Important as Managing Your Team

As a manager, you are trained to handle budgets, timelines, and personnel issues. But how often do you receive training on how to handle your own nervous system?

In our recent work within the Emerging Leader Academy, a part of the Power6 Leader program, we worked with a manager who had all the technical skills to succeed but was struggling to hold her team accountable.

When we administered the Diagnostic Leadership Evaluation (DLE), we found that the issue wasn't a lack of knowledge or desire. The DLE serves as a behavioral diagnostic—a "point of entry"—that often reveals deeper barriers regarding our thinking and emotions. In this case, she was suffering from "emotional hijacking." When conflict arose, her stress levels spiked, and she behaved in ways not consistent with the trust she was looking to build within the organization.

If you cannot regulate your emotions, you cannot effectively lead yourself, let alone other people.

Emotional regulation is a core component of the executive coaching I provide to emerging leaders. It is not about suppressing your feelings; it is about managing your stress response so you can stay in the driver's seat. Here are three practical steps busy managers can take to master their emotions and improve their leadership.

3 Strategies for Managing Your Emotions

1. Lower Your Baseline: Develop a Stress Management Routine

Think of your stress tolerance like a bucket. If you start your work day with the bucket already half-full, it won't take much for a difficult email to make it overflow. To show up as a good leader, you must start your day with an empty bucket.

3 Ways to Lower Your Baseline:

• Morning "No-Phone" Zone: Do not check email or Slack for the first 30 minutes of your day. Allow your brain to wake up without immediately reacting to external demands.

• Commute Decompression: Use your commute (or a walk around the block if you work remote) to listen to a non-work podcast or simply sit in silence. Create a mental buffer between your personal life and your professional role.

• Physical Release: Engage in 20 minutes of physical activity before work. Whether it is yoga, a run, or a quick lift, burning off cortisol early allows you to show up as the leader you want to be.

2. Catch the Spike: Recognize Rising Stress and Disengage

The DLE debrief coaching session often highlights that managers fail to act because they are reactive rather than proactive. The key is to recognize the physical signs that your stress is rising—tight shoulders, shallow breathing, or racing thoughts—and intervene before you lose your composure.

3 Ways to Reset During the Day:

• The "Doorway" Pause: Before you walk into a meeting, stop at the door. Take three deep breaths and reconnect with your leadership philosophy: "How do I want to show up in this room?"

• The 5-Minute Walk: If you feel your temperature rising, step away from your desk physically. A quick walk changes your environment and signals safety to your brain, preventing emotional hijacking.

• Scheduled "Do Not Disturb" Blocks: High stress often comes from constant interruption. Schedule 30-minute blocks to disconnect from work, enjoy a meal, talk to friends, or engage in other activities that help you rest, reset, and be ready for future challenges.

3. Stay in the Room: Grounding Techniques for the Moment

Sometimes you cannot leave the room. You are in the middle of a critical discussion, and you feel the "fight or flight" response kicking in. To maintain your authority and stick to the facts, you need discreet tools to keep your thinking brain online.

3 Grounding Techniques You Can Do Anywhere:

• Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, and hold for 4 counts. This rhythmic breathing calms your nervous system without anyone noticing.

• Empty Your Head: Use a piece of paper, and write down the thoughts that are racing in your head. Getting them out of your mind and on paper provides a protective gap between thought and speaking.

• Physical Anchoring: Press your feet firmly into the floor or press your fingertips together. Focus entirely on that physical sensation for ten seconds to stop the emotional spiral.

Get Help Managing Your Emotions

A leader who acts out of stress creates a team that operates in fear. By mastering your own emotional regulation, you don't just feel better—you create the stability necessary to drive business growth.

If you have managers who are struggling to bridge the gap between their potential and their performance, the Emerging Leader Academy uses the Power6 system to help them build these essential skills.

Visit www.yourpathexecutivesolutions.com to learn more about our coaching and consulting programs.